The All-Star Wars football team: Princess Leia, Rey form dynamic backfield duo
"Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker" will hit theaters Friday to Super Bowl-level fanfare.
So, of course, you want the answer to the obvious question about Star Wars ... what would a football team of Star Wars characters look like?
Glad you asked.
Through the intensive study of 42 years worth of content from a galaxy far, far away, we identified the ideal offense, defense, special teams and coaching staff that would have to be considered the favorite to win any future Super Bowl or all-century team.
Here's the all-Star Wars football team lineup for the annual Life Day game:
Coaching staff
Head coach: Yoda — This wise legendary Jedi Master has plenty of motivational quotes for his pregame speeches ... "do or do not. There is no try."
Offensive coordinator: Admiral Ackbar — You just know that when the opposing defenses try to fool the offense with clever blitz and coverage disguises, Ackbar will yell "it's a trap!"
Defensive coordinator: Sheev Palpatine (aka Darth Sidious) — Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational zone blitz.
Offense
Quarterback: Luke Skywalker — A Jedi who served as a commander in the Rebel Alliance, Skywalker has the necessary leadership skills to own a huddle. He's also put his (left) arm on display when defeating the Rancor in "Return of the Jedi." The Force likely will help with his completion percentage stats, too.
Running back: Princess Leia — Star Wars fans have yet to see Leia put her full powers on display. Being the featured back in this offense will provide her with that opportunity.
Running back: Rey — Well, we know she can run. Her performance in "The Force Awakens" basically served as her pro day for scouts of this team.
Wide receiver: Poe Dameron — Ego, cockiness, over-confidence ... seems ace starfighter pilots and diva receivers have a lot in common.
Wide receiver: Finn — The Stormtrooper-turned-Resistance hero would form a dynamic receiving tandem with his friend Dameron.
Slot receiver: Chirrut Imwe — His "the Force is with me, and I am with the Force" mantra will come in handy on third-and-long situations.
Slot receiver: Ezra Bridger — The "Rebels" star has shown a real knack for evading opponents.
Left tackle: Chewbacca — He's big, strong and hyper-competitive (known for pulling "people's arms out of their sockets when they lose"). And, super-protective of his friends. Chewy is ideal for the most important spot on the offensive line.
Right tackle: Qui-Gon Jinn — This Jedi Knight can just Force push opposing defenders away.
Guard: Unkar Plutt — The Intergalactic Football League's reigning dirtiest player.
Guard: Owen Lars — "Country strong" after years of working as a moisture farmer on Tatooine.
Center: Jek Tono Porkins — An ace X-Wing pilot in the Rebel Alliance, Porkins is an obvious choice to set the blocking assignments along this line.
Tight end: Kylo Ren (aka Ben Solo) —– Hopefully things don't get awkward with Kylo, Rey, mother Leia and uncle Luke all in the same huddle. Scouts also say there are some serious character concerns around the talented, yet troubled, Kylo.
Defense
Defensive end: Darth Vader — The fall to the Dark Side also meant a move from offense to defense for the former Anakin Skywalker. His crude breathing device alone would be enough to intimidate opposing players.
Defensive end: IG-11 — Game tape from "The Mandalorian" really showed the impressive skill set of the IG-series assassin droids, programmed to destroy the target.
Defensive tackle: Jabba the Hutt — With the space-eating Jabba clogging the middle, it makes sense to run a 3-4 base defense and get some speed on the outside. Jabba brings nothing in terms of agility (a classic "heavy-legged waist bender" as Mike Mayock would say), but his sheer size will make it difficult for opposing backs to run between the tackles.
Outside linebacker: Darth Maul — Despite losing a step after his legs were replaced with cybernetic ones, Maul still is a menacing presence on defense.
Middle linebacker: Jyn Erso — Late spike in production toward end of Jyn's career was a result of her tenacity and resourcefulness.
Middle linebacker: Enfys Nest — Proved her mettle by surviving while taking on one of the galaxy's deadliest crime syndicates.
Outside linebacker: General Grievous — This evil cyborg's extra set of arms will come in handy both as an edge rusher and in pass coverage.
Cornerback: Han Solo — The galaxy's most notorious smuggler will be a valuable ball-hawking corner.
Cornerback: Lando Calrissian — Only knock is that he tends to gamble too much in coverage.
Strong safety: "The Mandalorian" — Mando has a real ability to seek and eliminate targets.
Free safety: Obi-Wan Kenobi — There's nobody we'd rather have serving as the last line of defense than Obi-Wan.
Special teams
Kicker: C-3PO — Being fluent in over 6 million forms of communication means little to nothing on the football field, but we're sure his creator — Anakin Skywalker — could reconstruct the protocol droid to include a potent, cybernetic kicking leg.
Holder: R2-D2 — Yeah, you just knew these two droids also would be inseparable on the football field, too.
Punter: Jar Jar Binks — Fans hope this Gungan never gets onto the field.
Return specialist: BB-8 — Nobody can tackle this droid once it really gets rolling.
Follow Paste BN Sports' Jim Reineking on Twitter @jimreineking.