Opinion: Remember the good and bad when sending Ben Roethlisberger into retirement
With Ben Roethlisberger's retirement all but official, there are many numbers to consider when evaluating his career and deciding what the legacy of the Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback will be.
The 18 years he played in the NFL. The two Super Bowls he won, and the third that he played in but lost. The 64,000-plus yards he threw for, and the 438 touchdowns he scored both with his arm and his legs. The 165 games he won.
There’s another that needs to be acknowledged, too, however: The six games Roethlisberger was suspended for in 2010, later reduced to four, after being accused of rape by two women.
“You are held to a higher standard as an NFL player,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wrote in the letter informing Roethlisberger of the suspension, “and there is nothing about your conduct in Milledgeville that can remotely be described as admirable, responsible or consistent with either the values of the league or the expectations of our fans.”
Some have been, or will be, tempted to brush aside the suspension – and, more specifically, the reasons for it. It’s less of a minefield to talk about Roethlisberger as the elder statesman of the NFL that he’s been cast as in recent years, or the influence he’s had on the young Steelers. It’s just easier to show photos of Roethlisberger surrounded by his adoring wife and children or listen to him talk about his post-retirement plans with his kids.
But the assault accusations were more than “mistakes” made by an “immature” person, as ESPN’s Brian Griese so grossly characterized them during the Jan. 10 broadcast of Roethlisberger’s final home game. Roethlisberger’s behavior was at the worst criminal, at the very least misogynistic, and he has never publicly owned up to the pain and harm he caused.
The hotel employee who sued him in July 2009, alleging Roethlisberger had raped her a year earlier after asking her to come to his room and fix his TV, said in her lawsuit that she developed depression, anxiety and PTSD as a result, and eventually had to be hospitalized. Roethlisberger was not criminally charged.
The 20-year-old college student who said Roethlisberger had, on March 5, 2010, exposed himself in the back room of a Milledgeville, Georgia bar and then followed her into a bathroom and raped her, was disparaged by the police officer investigating the case. In her letter to the district attorney asking him not to pursue charges, she cited fears of “a very intrusive personal experience.”
“I'm not condoning what he did," district attorney Fredric Bright said when he announced in April 2010 that Roethlisberger wouldn’t face charges. "If he were my son, (I would say), 'Ben, grow up. Come on, you're supposed to stand for something. I mean, you're a leader, you should be a role model. You don't need to put yourself in this position anymore.' "
Ours is a society that believes in redemption and celebrates second chances. But they are not freely given, nor should they be. Our lives are a sum of our actions, good and bad, and you cannot reap the benefits of one without also taking responsibility for the other.
With celebrities, though, we are far too willing to skip past the accountability. We take the magnificence someone has as an athlete – or politician or artist – and assign it to them as a person. We see their brilliance on the field and decide they must be the same when the spotlights are turned off.
But that isn’t an extension of grace. It’s whitewashing, and it is not helpful to anyone.
There can be powerful lessons for all of us in someone’s failings, but Roethlisberger has, so far, refused to participate. Has he changed? We can’t really know. What does he tell his young teammates about who he was early in his career? He hasn’t shared that.
What will he tell his children about why he was suspended for those first four games of the 2010 season? What is he teaching his sons about respecting women? Will he warn his daughter about toxic masculinity and the dangers it poses to her? Those conversations, if they’ve been had, remain private.
There will be some who will say this is not the time to revisit the allegations against Roethlisberger, that they're in the past. But if not now, when? When the Steelers retire his number? When he's inducted into the Hall of Fame?
Ben Roethlisberger was a terrific quarterback. He was also, at least at one point in his career, a bad guy. His legacy isn't accurate unless it includes both.
Follow Paste BN Sports columnist Nancy Armour on Twitter @nrarmour.