Rating the 'FIFA 17' USMNT player ratings
FIFA 17 is coming out next week on September 27, and they have just released their database of player ratings for the game. Stars and Stripes FC went in and dug up some USMNT player ratings, and while some of them are pretty good, some of them are downright offensive. So I am going to rate them. The ratings, that is. These are the ratings of the FIFA 17 ratings.
Landon Donovan (Legend)
FIFA 17 Rating: 86
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 60
Is Landon Donovan a "legend" now that he's come out of retirement? Or is he just a guy now? And if he is just a guy, wouldn't his "legend" rating of 86 be affected? Does he lose "legend" status? I have about 300 questions here.
Alexi Lalas (Legend)
FIFA 17 Rating: 86
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 14
I love Alexi Lalas. I think he's an underrated pundit and he's always extremely kind with his time (and has also appeared multiple times on my podcast). He was also a hugely important player for the USMNT for years. That being said, in what universe is Alexi Lalas a comparable player to Landon Donovan, "legend" status or not? Lalas knows this. We all know this.
Tim Howard
FIFA 17 Rating: 81
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 75
He's looked good in his 11 games for Colorado, but this isn't exactly the dude who stood on his head against Belgium in 2014.
Michael Bradley
FIFA 17 Rating: 80
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 70
Bradley's still a fine player, but recent performances for the USMNT show he's lacking the quality to really dictate a game from center midfield.
Clint Dempsey
FIFA 17 Rating: 79
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 90
The number 79 seems exactly right for Dempsey to me, who will hopefully get better and get back on the field soon.
Geoff Cameron
FIFA 17 Rating: 77
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 68
I'm just curious if Cameron's political punditry affected his rating at all.
Bill Hamid
FIFA 17 Rating: 76
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 77
I'm going to take Hamid's ranking, which is even with Nick Rimando (76) and one ahead of Brad Guzan (75), as a subtle shot at USMNT head coach Jurgen Klinsmann, who earlier this year asked "what happened" to the goalie, implying that his development had stunted. Hamid was recovering from injury and is 25 years old.
Jozy Altidore
FIFA 17 Rating: 75
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 91
I have no idea what to do with Altidore. Some games he's an 85 in my mind, others he's a 60, and I'm not sure what his future holds with those poor hamstrings of his. So 75 seems fine. Good work FIFA.
Alejandro Bedoya
FIFA 17 Rating: 75
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 73
Bedoya was a 72 but his perfect 100 score for the " Getting into beef with Eric Wynalda" metric jumped him up to a 75.
Darlington Nagbe
FIFA 17 Rating: 75
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 86
Nagbe is rated above Kyle Beckerman and Jermaine Jones? FIFA 17 guys if you want to fight Jurgen Klinsmann just challenge him to a duel like they did in the old days.
Gyasi Zardes
FIFA 17 Rating: 74
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 68
His "shin touch" rating is frankly through the roof.
Kyle Beckerman
FIFA 17 Rating: 73
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 55
That number is actually diminishing by the hour. It might be 72 by the time you read this post. Still love you, Beckerman.
Chris Wondolowski
FIFA 17 Rating: 73
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 45
Wondolowski above Jermaine Jones is an affront.
Jermaine Jones
FIFA 17 Rating: 72
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 42
Yeah he's a nut who can get himself into trouble over stupid things and is the world's worst contract negotiator, but he's also an incredibly effective roaming midfielder, still at age 34. He also did this:
DeAndre Yedlin
FIFA 17 Rating: 72
My Rating of the FIFA 17Rating: 62
He's an ultra-speedy outside back playing regularly for Newcastle but whatever FIFA do your thing.
Christian Pulisic
FIFA 17 Rating: 69
My Rating of the FIFA 17 Rating: 7
How dare you, FIFA? HOW DARE YOU?