Ranking David Ortiz's farewell tour gifts
There are just three regular-season games left in David Oritz's career, with his farewell tour set to end at home in Fenway Park, where Big Papi helped deliver three rings in the 21st century and ended one of sports' longest championship droughts (and, hey, he could win another this year!).
Ortiz will leave with an amazing legacy, but he'll also take with him a bunch of gifts from various opponents. Let's review the parting gifts he got and rank 'em:
17. Kansas City Royals
BBQ sauce is great and all, but a chair?
16. San Francisco Giants
An actual bell from a cable car is not the greatest of San Francisco treats.
15. San Diego Padres
Surfboards are cool if you surf. I have no idea if Ortiz surfs, but if he doesn't, does he really want a giant surfboard? Granted, said surfboard is beautiful, but he might be wondering where, exactly, to put it.
14 (tie). Texas Rangers and Houston Astros
Together, they gave him a full outfit. Guess that's okay.
12. Toronto Blue Jays
A custom coat. Useful.
11. Detroit Tigers
Will look good on a wall.
10. Los Angeles Angels
9. New York Yankees
Better painting.
8. Tampa Bay Rays
Because of the tragic death of Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez, Ortiz received a painting and cigars in private.
7. Oakland A's
Wine: Never a bad gift.
6. Seattle Mariners
Salmon is a delicious and we all love Flava Flav.
5. Minnesota Twins
That's right, the Twins gave him an enormous jar of peanut butter. First: Peanut butter is the best. Second, the story behind the gift elevates it to top 5: Former Twins teammate Corey Koskie put the gooey stuff in Ortiz's underwear in 2002 as a prank. The jar they gave him this year even said "Fuel for the FUNderwear." Epic gift.
4 (tie). Los Angeles Dodgers and Cleveland Indians
The Dodgers reunited Ortiz with Adrian Gonzalez, Dave Roberts and Nomar Garciaparra, but more importantly, they donated money to charity - it's worth noting other teams did too, including the Indians and Blue Jays.
2. Chicago White Sox
A humidor! That's pretty sweet.
1. Baltimore Orioles
Oh, that is hilarious. Also: Did the Orioles really take out the broken bullpen phone smashed to pieces by Ortiz's bat and save it for three years to give to Ortiz? If so, doubly incredible.