Schwarber’s terrible beard is Series' best subplot

Watching Kyle Schwarber hit a baseball ranks up there on the satisfaction meter with throwing a rotten apple at a wall and watching it explode. Or smashing an old cabbage with a bat. This dude is a powerhouse - he's the adult, professional version of that kid in your backyard wiffle ball games who hit it over the house every single time. A brick building of a 23-year-old human with a crushage capacity equal to that of a garbage truck.

Schwarber's second at-bat in the Cubs' loss of the first World Series game was one of the team's most successful of the night - he managed to get his bat on one of Corey Kluber's potato gun-like pitches for a double (that was sooooo close to being a home run) when most of his teammates couldn't even make contact. Schwarber's performance was, of course, made even more impressive by the fact that he tore up some ligaments in his knee this spring and hadn't actually played in a baseball game since getting carted off the field in April.

But I'd argue that the most incredible part of this whole Schwarber situation - hell, the most incredible part of this entire Series - is the young player's dedication to his beard, which looks like he took a piece of steel wool and taped it to the very bottom of his chin.

It isn't new, of course - Schwarber has rocked this bad boy to some degree or another since he signed with the Cubs last year. But I thought that maybe, given the amount of time he's had to contemplate his life choices while he rehabbed his knee, he'd have realized that there are definitely some better ones he could be making when it comes to what he does with the hair he's capable of growing. Like, maybe, not.

Instead, Schwarber appears to have doubled down on the sponge he has attached to his face. It's gotten even bushier during his recovery period, so that when he stepped up to the plate last night I actually gasped at its prominence. Let's take a look:

While I have no idea what's going through Schwarber's head in regard to this beard, I respect completely respect it. He clearly knows how to use a razor given that the rest of his face is pretty clean shaven, so it's there's no doubt that this is a deliberate choice, a meditated decision, one he just keeps leaning into. Whether he thinks it looks good or is actively trolling us matters not - what matters is the commitment it shows, especially when you see how carefully he's cultivated it.

Look, here is Schwarber's first team photo with the Cubs:

And here is his picture from the beginning of this season:

And here, one more time, is where we're at right now:

See what I mean? He even shaved more hair off the front of his face since April so that it now looks more bizarre.

I am 100% here for this. When you can work the kind of magic Schwarber can with his bat, you get to do absolutely anything you want to do with your face. If I were as good at blogging as Schwarber is at baseball, I'd get weird with my folliclular (it's a word, okay?) appearance, too. As the old Irish saying goes, "you can tell how confident a person is by how willing they are to do stupid things with their hair."

Alas, not all humans were created equal, and I don't hold a candle to Schwarber, so I won't shave my head or anything. But I will cheer for not only Schwarber, but also for his beard, when both step up to the plate on Wednesday night. Because I'd argue that at this point, the Brillo pad deserves its own spot on the roster.