Lionel Messi is joining Inter Miami. What weird MLS thing will he complain about first?
Lionel Messi really is coming to MLS and as heady as that news is, things haven’t even started to get weird yet.
On one hand, yes, it’s strange that Messi confirmed he’ll join Inter Miami rather than take unfathomable money to go to Saudi Arabia or figure out some kind of way Barcelona could afford to bring him back. We’re already in some bizarre territory.
However, Messi hasn’t actually signed his contract yet, and things won’t get truly absurd until the all-time great is walking out in pink and black at a stadium near you. There is a distinct chance that, in the near future, Lionel Messi will be playing a competitive game on a random Wednesday night against the Colorado Rapids.
It’s going to be extraordinary, a joy and a farce all at once. Still, like every other huge international signing that has come to MLS before him, we can be sure that Messi will encounter some oddity in our soccer scene that he’s not exactly excited about. Eventually one of the only-in-MLS things that we take for granted will rub Messi the wrong way.
Here are the odds on which of the familiar "world-famous player comes to MLS" stumbling blocks is going to draw Messi’s first complaint.
THE MESSI EFFECT: Inter Miami CF ticket prices, popularity soar after MLS announcement
HOW DID THEY DO? 8 major soccer stars who moved from Europe to MLS before Lionel Messi
10:1 - Inter Miami is not very good
Messi has been in contention or expected to contend for every league title, every cup, and every international tournament he’s ever been registered for. Barcelona is supposed to win La Liga, and is one of the world’s biggest clubs. Paris Saint-Germain is, even moreso, supposed to win Ligue 1 every season. Argentina’s anguish over not winning the World Cup with Messi until last year was palpable for his entire career. The expectations on him also fall on his team, and they’ve always been sky-high.
Meanwhile, the Herons are one of MLS’s worst teams this season, sitting in dead last in the Eastern Conference. As Messi gave interviews confirming his choice, Inter Miami was mired in a five-game losing streak in MLS play, firing manager Phil Neville less than a week earlier.
Messi’s not dumb. He can read standings, and will know coming in that he’s joining a squad that is struggling for a reason: The Herons are simply not that good of a soccer team as compared to the other 28 teams in MLS.
Messi changes that, obviously, but let’s be real: he’s used to playing alongside Kylian Mbappé, Neymar, Lautaro Martínez, and Julián Álvarez. Even the squad players at PSG or sitting on the bench for Argentina — guys that can play alongside Messi and not bog things down — would be great MLS players (see also: Thiago Almada).
In MLS, that’s not going to be the case. He might recognize some new teammates: Corentin Jean played for Lens during Messi’s first season in France, while Josef Martínez and Leo Campana have caps for other CONMEBOL national teams. They’re qualified to play on a team that might play against Messi’s team, but up until now, they’ve never been at the level required to play on Messi’s team.
This has been a recurring theme with international superstars coming to MLS: Thierry Henry’s first season with the New York Red Bulls left him aggravated that no one was able to read his intentions, and David Beckham famously struggled to connect with MLS lifers like Alan Gordon.
Messi will know he has to make this adjustment, but in the moment, whether it’s someone not making a run or speaking to reporters after a loss to Charlotte FC or the Chicago Fire, it’s going to be a challenge for him to stay positive.
7:1 - MLS's competitive format is bizarre
It hasn’t yet been confirmed when Messi will actually arrive and what his first game will be, but no matter what the answer is he’ll find himself thrown into the weirdness that is the format MLS has created for itself.
In Spain and France, the league is simple: you play everyone twice, the team with the most points at the end gets a trophy. In MLS…it’s definitely not simple. Messi’s Miami doesn’t have any games against several Western Conference teams, and their objective isn’t to charge up to contend for the Supporters’ Shield. It’s just to get up to ninth place or better, where they get into the playoffs.
Which means at some point, someone’s going to have to tell Messi about things like MLS’s playoffs, which include a play-in game, a best-of-three section for some reason, an international break, and then a return to a more normal knockout format.
That’s not even mentioning the Leagues Cup, which is its own convoluted animal existing to the side of the just-changed CONCACAF Champions Cup.
Given that Barcelona’s preposterous financial situation appears to have been a major factor in him coming to MLS, let’s all agree to keep concepts like TAM and GAM quiet. Don’t screw this thing up!
5:1 - Flying commercial like a schlub
MLS’s last Collective Bargaining Agreement expanded how often teams take charter flights, and in 2024 Miami and all other teams will be required to charter 16 legs of travel in the regular season (not to mention for all playoff games and any CONCACAF Champions Cup match involving international travel).
It’s an improvement players called for over the years, but it still leaves a lot of commercial flights to get through. Miami has 10 more away games this season, and will have at least 17 such trips in 2024.
You can do the math here. At some point, Messi is going to have to go through the kind of boarding procedure and general hassle that anyone who has ever flown is familiar with. Regular people complain about airlines and airports all the time. Now imagine you’re Messi: You’ve seen only the best of the best in travel accommodations, and now you’re suddenly queuing up to board a standard connecting flight at O’Hare or LaGuardia.
Is there some kind of a clause in his contract that will allow him to avoid this? Stay tuned!
3:1 - Inter Miami does not actually play in Miami
Messi has vacationed in Miami, a hugely popular international city for wealthy people looking for fun and sun. It is surely part of the allure, the thing that has him going to Inter Miami rather than the LA Galaxy or NYCFC.
The thing is, though, he’s taking a job that is very much not in Miami. DRV PNK Stadium is nestled next to Fort Lauderdale Executive Airport, across the street from a scrap yard, a tire shop, and various construction contractors and home renovation supply storefronts. It’s not bad, but it’s not exactly the Camp Nou.
It’s also on the northern edge of Fort Lauderdale, while Miami is notoriously south of that city. If Messi wants to get a luxurious dinner after a game, he’s looking at a 30-mile jaunt down I-95 for a two-Michelin-star experience at L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon Miami.
Miami Freedom Park is coming soon, but we’re talking 2025, not next month. Until then? Well, there’s a Waffle House before you hit the highway. All-Star Specials all around!
2:1 - Artificial turf
When Messi, during his time with Barcelona, PSG, or Argentina, came to the United States for various summer friendlies, the reaction from local organizers was often to roll out temporary grass over artificial turf at hulking NFL stadiums. A player like Messi is not someone you subject to artificial turf, right?
Except, you know, Messi is an MLS player now, and MLS players have to play on turf sometimes. Six different venues around the league, including three in the Eastern Conference, have some form of plastic playing surface. Miami still has to play at two of them, with trips to Atlanta United and Charlotte FC coming up in the latter stages of the season.
This one’s pretty straightforward: no one likes to play soccer on turf, and Messi has spent his career largely playing on pristine grass surfaces. It’s also something of a pressure point he can wield in nudging MLS towards improving, by simply talking about how it’s not great.
That’s a tactic media savvy players like Wayne Rooney and Thierry Henry have gone with in the past, and it makes it pretty likely that Messi will bring it up as a negative about life in MLS at some point.
Not offering odds - Referees
Fans, media, coaches, and “regular” MLS players complain about the refs. MLS stars complain about the refs. Global superstars who come to MLS complain about the refs.
Messi is almost certainly going to complain about the refs. He may be special, a unique genius of a player, but at some point he’s going to have his ankles taken out from under him, not get the call, and be pretty peeved.