Digital Life: OK to email graduation announcements?
Paste BN columnist Steven Petrow offers advice about digital etiquette.
Q: My daughter is graduating from college in May and I would like to send announcements at the appropriate time. Is snail mail still the preferred mode for sending invitations, announcements, and the graduate's thank-you notes? Beyond that question, I'm not sure what we'd be signaling. Do announcements imply that a gift is expected? I remember my parents being a bit miffed at some of the invitations they got from distant great-nieces and great-nephews, but I'm not sure what the source of the annoyance was. Now our time has come, and I'd like to know what's appropriate when, and who should be on our list.
-- Anne N., NJ
A: Hold on for a moment for the answer to the snail mail vs. e-mail part of your question so I can start with some of the basics of graduation announcements and invitations.
Many colleges (and high schools) have limited seating at graduation ceremonies, so you're going to want to send your daughter's invitations only to your nearest and dearest, with grandparents and any of your other kids at the top of the list. Graduation announcements, on the other hand, serve two functions — first, to let the world know of your child's accomplishment, and, second, to fetch a gift (even though almost everyone denies that second one). I've actually heard of some graduates having gift registries. Please tell me that's not so!
The key to gaffe-free graduation announcements is to keep the list short, which is to say this is not a mass mailing to every relative and friend far and wide. Only send these announcements to your closest friends and family members, meaning those who would actually recognize your daughter, and not great-aunts or fifth cousins who haven't seen her since her first birthday party. (I'm sure getting announcements from relatives they'd last seen in diapers miffed your parents.) Also, don't send announcements to those who are invited to the ceremony. Duh, right?
For those who are recipients of such happy news, yes, it's expected that you'll respond with a gift, which could be something like a book, a gift card, or cash. If you've taken my advice by keeping your list short and appropriate, no one who receives the announcement should feel as though you're trolling for presents, because they'll care enough about your daughter to do the right thing.
Now on to your question of what delivery method parents of the digital age should choose. Score one for the pen-and-ink set: Paper is still preferable, especially since relatives and close friends often like to keep these announcements as mementoes. The other reason: My guess is that your list is going to include grandmas and grandpas, who may or may not be as up-to-date as you are. (To no one's surprise, Paperless Post, Smilebox, Punchbowl, and other e-card vendors all have digital graduation announcements available.)
When it comes to more distant friends and family, no announcements, please. Instead, post a few cap-and-gown photos on Facebook or Instagram. I'm sure you'll get plenty of "Likes" and other celebratory comments, but don't expect gifts. If you're inviting people to a graduation party, either paper or electronic invitations are fine, or a combination of the two (the former for the non-digerati in your circle).
Oh, and as for when to send your announcement? Anytime soon after your daughter's big day. Congratulations!
Agree or disagree with my advice? Let me know in the comments section.
Submit your question to Steven at stevenpetrow@earthlink.net. You can also follow Steven on Twitter: @StevenPetrow. Or like him on Facebook at facebook.com/stevenpetrow.