Digital Life: Is Facebook 'happy birthday' enough?
Steven Petrow offers advice about digital etiquette.
Q. I was amazed and touched at the number of birthday greetings recently posted on my Facebook timeline. Legions of childhood friends, former colleagues and neighbors all took a minute to wish me a happy birthday. But I was surprised by how many close friends and even family members did the same. I received one card, one phone call, and two texts to say happy birthday — the rest were all posted on Facebook. Is an online post really an appropriate way for a close friend or family member to send birthday greetings?
– Ronnie, New York
A: A couple of years ago I was busted for a lazy Facebook birthday wish that went like this: "HB2U!" My former co-worker immediately posted: "What, you can't even spell out "Happy Birthday" or use my name? And here only moments before I had felt so self-satisfied in even remembering the birthday — which I hadn't really, because Facebook reminded me about it. Every morning, I'm met with a new roster of birthdays I'm supposed to acknowledge. These days I only post good wishes on the timelines of those I care about, and I always write out "Happy Birthday" and use the person's name. Lesson learned.
When I have time – or really like you – I'll post a photo of a floral arrangement. But really, my greetings take only a few seconds to post, and while I appreciate the good wishes on my birthday, I'd be upset if my closest friends and relatives didn't call, mail cards, or send presents.
In this category my sister gets the blue ribbon, calling me first thing on my birthday morning to repeat a ritual from our now late grandmother: "Special delivery for you," she starts off, before singing "Happy Birthday" wildly off-key. I love it, but I get it that not everybody is going to do this. So, here are some suggestions to make those Facebook birthday wishes a little more authentic:
Avoid the acronyms. No "HBD" stuff – write out your greeting, include the person's name and try to personalize it. For my sister, I'd post: "Happy Birthday, little sister. Have a great day with your family." That took me three times as long as "HBD2U" — but still only eight seconds.
Post the day before. It lets your pals know you didn't wait for the Facebook reminder but thought about it on your own. Sure, you can cheat and see when anybody's birthday is approaching, but that takes effort most of us don't want to expend for just anyone.
Text or email. Not quite as convenient as Facebook but certainly a lot more personal. You could go crazy and write a two-line message, again using the person's name and signing yours. By the way, it's OK to be redundant. You can Facebook a birthday wish and then e-mail a second, more personal, one.
Call! I know, I know. You hate the phone. You're too busy. Too bad! A birthday comes only once a year and, if it's a close family member or friend, he or she will be glad to hear your voice.
Agree or disagree with my advice? Let me know in the comments section.
Submit your question to Steven at stevenpetrow@earthlink.net. You can also follow Steven on Twitter: @StevenPetrow. Or like him on Facebook at facebook.com/stevenpetrow.