'I want to take care of me': Why more American women are moving abroad for a better life

Show Caption

Just a day before the 2024 presidential election, Dee Segler got on a plane and moved to a country she'd never been to.

The timing for her relocation from the U.S. to the Netherlands – also her first time living overseas – was coincidental. Mostly, it's been a long time coming.

Now in her 50s, Segler has had the dream of living abroad since she was in her teens and went on a school trip to Europe with her French club. "I made a promise to myself at 18 years old: I was going to live abroad," she told Paste BN. But life just kind of happened. I went to school, got married, and had kids."

She recently found herself where she could finally seize the opportunity. She was divorced, and her children were now grown and living on their own. A couple of years ago, she was laid off from her tech job and went back to school but found herself stuck in a junior role, struggling to make ends meet in the rising cost of living in Seattle. "Do I really want to go back to corporate America?" she asked herself.

She came across a Facebook group with over 10,000 members called She Hit Refresh, an online community dedicated to helping women over 30 years old move abroad to Europe. In June, she attended an online training about European visa options held by She Hit Refresh founder Cepee Tabibian. She learned how to easily obtain a two-year visa to the Netherlands as a self-employed American under the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty. The idea of making the move began to take shape.

Her decision became set in stone during the summer of 2022 when Roe v. Wade was overturned, erasing the constitutional right to abortion. "You have to understand, I nearly died after pregnancy complications, and I have two loved ones who nearly died after pregnancy complications, so this is personal for me," she said. Shortly after, the Supreme Court also ruled on presidential immunity regarding former President Donald Trump. "Do I stay here? What's going on?" Segler said. Days later, she reached out to Dutch immigration lawyers.

Why some travelers are skipping the US: 'You guys are not afraid of this?'

Segler is just one of the growing number of American women who are either realizing lifelong dreams to live overseas or the fact that their quality of life could be better – for societal, health and safety, or political reasons – somewhere else. In 2021, a little less than half of American expats working abroad were women, according to a survey by InterNations.

With remote work on the rise and more countries offering digital nomad visas, relocating abroad has become more feasible than ever before. She Hit Refresh embraces the idea that for women, moving abroad presents unique opportunities and challenges – but mainly that it's never too late to make the leap.

'A very different life point'

She Hit Refresh began as a personal journey for Tabibian, who, at 35, felt ready to leave her tech job in 2015. Born and raised in Texas, Tabibian was eager to move to Spain – a place where she had taught English years earlier while earning her master’s degree. But teaching English again felt like "a step backward" at her age, when "everyone looks like they have it all together."

At the time, moving abroad felt like something reserved for young people fresh out of college or retired folks. "I just didn't find resources made for me, they didn't understand the challenges I was facing moving as a woman who had life under my belt and responsibilities," Tabibian said. "There is a lot of information for someone doing a gap year at university – a very different life point. Would I lose my career moving abroad? What if I have debt or a mortgage or children?"

Once in Madrid, Tabibian met other women expats and learned more about visa options for staying in Spain. In 2017, she started the Facebook group in response to friends and peers asking how she made the move.

Tabibian had struck a chord. In the first year, the Facebook group gained 4,000 women worldwide. She Hit Refresh started a blog and then ran its first retreat in Morocco in 2019. It now offers a four-day live master class training on Zoom that breaks down moving to Europe and helps attendees develop a personalized moving plan as well as a monthly membership to fast-track people's moves, including resources and the ability to connect women for support.

Women are seeking a better quality of life

While lots of the women are ready for a grand adventure, many are looking to move to a country that aligns more with their values, ranging from the universal health care found in every European country to fleeing the anxiety-inducing political landscape in the U.S. This year, 77% American adults say the future of the U.S. is the most significant source of stress in their lives, followed by the economy and 2024 presidential election, according to a survey by the American Psychological Association.

"With the increasingly polarized and divisive political climate in the U.S. since 2016, I began seeking a better quality of life overseas," said Cindy Sheahan, who backpacked the world before settling down in Portugal in 2022 and just picked up and moved to Sicily, Italy, in October. "Another Trump term was nonnegotiable for me." Sheahan started backpacking right around the time Trump first took office, although it was also prompted by her divorce.

Sheahan found She Hit Refresh when she was looking for a way to permanently live in Europe, ultimately qualifying for Italian citizenship by way of ancestry this year. In her 60s, she said she feels like she doesn't fit into U.S. culture and is drawn to the lack of consumer culture, lower cost of living and rich history found in countries like Portugal and Italy.

Safety also plays a big role for many of the women looking to move. "They find that Europe offers a political climate that feels less charged, less divided and generally more tolerant," Tabibian said. "This is also a big driver for our intersectionally marginalized members, such as our LGBTQ+ members and our Black members who find more welcoming environments and policies in Europe than in the U.S."

The 2024 Global Peace Index, which determines the safest countries based on factors like violent crime, political instability, and homicide rates, ranked the U.S. 131st out of 162 countries, while Iceland, Denmark, Ireland, Portugal, Germany and the Netherlands earned spots in the top 20. Rates for age-adjusted firearm homicide in the U.S. are much higher than in Europe – 19 times more than in France and 77 times more than in Germany, according to the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation. 

'A different choice'

Drawing from Tabibian's own experience, the She Hit Refresh community is a safe space around normalizing how relocating to another country looks different for women than it does for men, not only from reproductive rights to safety concerns but even just the societal pressures of settling down.

"There's that pressure to get settled down and have a family and have your life figured out, and those of us out there who want something else, we can feel other or maybe weird about making a different choice," Tabibian said.

She Hits Refresh shows that with the right tools and connections, women can navigate the complexities of a fresh start. "When I made my move, I felt like a lot of questions I got was a double standard, and maybe if I were a man, people wouldn't be asking me the same questions in terms of safety or would I be able to get married or have kids," Tabibian said.

For Segler, the Netherlands wasn't even on her radar until the training session. Just a few months later, her life is now starting a new chapter.

"I am a woman in her early 50s who has tried to do her best every single day for decades," Segler said. "I am burned out in certain areas. I want to take care of me."

(This story has been updated to correct a typo.)