Why cruises are popular with swingers: 'What happens on the ship ... stays on the ship'
Scott brought pineapple-shaped towel clips for the lounge chairs on his January cruise to the Caribbean. But for the 54-year-old, who is a swinger, they served another purpose.
"So, when you put them on, they would actually technically be hanging upside down," Scott told Paste BN, referring to the upside-down pineapple, a symbol that you and your partner are swingers. Scott asked that his last name not be used because of possible retribution from friends and family and lost job prospects.
The items were among a number of ways Scott, and his wife indicated their nonmonogamy, including decorating their cabin door with a sunglass-clad pineapple and a sign that read, "What happens on the ship ... stays on the ship." The Florida-based couple have been married for 22 years, and started swinging about a year ago after having a conversation about their sexual fantasies.
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Cruises are a popular vacation option among swingers, with some meeting up on regular – or "vanilla" sailings. There are also specialty adult-only voyages that cater to those who engage in the practice.
Cruises have advantages over resorts
For some couples, like Matt and Bianca Garry, travel provided an opportunity to try swinging for the first time. The pair have been married for 25 years, and have been swinging since 2011, when they took a trip to the adults-only Temptation Cancun Resort.
Matt Garry, 46, said they had talked about swinging and "didn't know how to find other people locally at the time," but at the resort they met a couple from United Kingdom and hit it off. They got more into it after that, and went on their first swingers cruise the following year.
"We love the cruises," said Garry, who owns short-term vacation rentals.
The Tacoma, Washington, resident said guests at swingers sailings who don't know many people often create "contact cards" to pass out – much like standard networking, including their name, contact information and online user names.
Unlike networking, guests add their cabin numbers, Garry said, because you could be "walking down the hallway and you start a conversation with somebody and you hit it off, but these ships are so big that you might never see those people again."
Garry, who makes YouTube videos about swinging with his wife on multiple channels including one called The Travelling Swingers, said cruise ships have some advantages over hotels.
"It happens a bit (at the resorts) that you come in and it's your first night there, and you meet a couple and you hit it off, and they're like, 'Oh, well, we'd love to hang out with you, but we have a flight at six o'clock in the morning out of here, so we have to go to bed,' and so you're like, 'That kind of sucks,' " he said.
On cruises, however, he said passengers get on and off the ship at the same time, and have a similar mindset about where they are going to connect and how fast they will – or will not – move forward.
What is swinging?
Swinging is defined as partners agreeing to swap partners with one another, explained Tia Evans, a sex therapist and licensed clinical social worker based in North Carolina.
"And that can either look like two couples exchanging with two other couples, a single person intermingling with a couple, or just various dynamics consensually agreeing to share each other's partners in a sexual manner," Evans said, noting that it falls under the umbrella of consensual nonmonogamy.
Evans said there is a stigma around swinging "because first of all, it's sex, and the U.S. as a country, as a whole, very much monogamous-oriented, so anything outside of that is going to be looked at with a side-eye."
Many swingers are quite private about it, and Evans said they could face negative repercussions at work or in other settings if it became public.
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Many swingers also use the term "the lifestyle," rather than the word swinging, which could have different connotations.
"I think that when people hear the word 'swinging,' they just automatically think about no morals, everybody's just having sex all willy nilly, which further creates that stigma and taboo, whereas 'lifestyle' is, 'Okay, that's their lifestyle,' " said Evans.
She said cruises – and vacations – may lend themselves to exploring options you may not have at home.
While Scott said travel is an "extension" of the swinging he and his wife do at home, he also cited the holiday mindset as part of cruises' appeal among people curious about swinging. "I think it allows people to lower their inhibitions a little bit," he said.
"When you think about a vacation, you think about a cruise, it is something where you can just kind of let loose and do things you might not ordinarily do," Evans added.
Specialty cruises cater to swingers
Bliss Cruise gives swingers a safe space to pursue their "lifestyle." The company offers sex-positive sailings for adult couples, including swingers, nudists and the BDSM community, said Joe Giantonio, a managing partner. He said swingers make up about 60% of their passengers.
The company charters ships through Royal Caribbean International, Celebrity Cruises and Azamara, and has clothing-optional areas and private "playrooms." There are also seminars featuring sexologists, gynecologists, and urologists, among other programming.
"It's a conducive environment, and it's a full-on party for seven days," said Giantonio, who is also the owner of the travel agency Topless Travel, the largest seller of cabins on Bliss Cruise. "And it could be anything in between just a sexually charged vacation for couples that don't want kids (around), to a hardcore giant orgy in the playroom."
Pepe Aguirre, CEO of Luxury Lifestyle Vacations (LLV), said they offer a similar range of options. The company, which books Bliss Cruise and other companies in addition to organizing its own sailings, also has playrooms.
"But you don't have to participate," Aguirre said. "You're not obligated."
LLV also offers workshops with sexologists, naked yoga and more.
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He started the company with his wife Claudia, who is vice president of experiences, and the couple has been swinging for about 18 years. Claudia Aguirre said the cruises they organize are smaller, with a focus on luxury.
She said LLV has also seen a shift in its clientele, with an increase in younger passengers on board.
Before, the company had more passengers 45 and older, and "now, we've noticed a growth in the last five years of a younger generation that are more in even their 20s, 30s. There's a lot of them in their 30s now."
Garry said he and his wife have found swingers trips to be "just so much fun" in general, even if you keep it platonic.
"We tell people all the time, 'If we just tomorrow decided to be monogamous, we would still hang out with all these people cause they're like the coolest people we know,' " Garry said.