First world problems: The expanding battle against in-flight flatulence

Because we can only fixate on in-flight phone calls and seat reclining etiquette for so long, a new issue has begun to gain traction: farting.

What was for decades merely a source of reliably humorous post-trip anecdotes about seatmates has been upgraded to a recurring news item, including “How to fart on a plane” click-bait articles and even medical professionals issuing advice about the consequences of not farting. (Spoiler alert: discomfort, bloating, strained cardiac function for more frail passengers and, in the case of the pilot, potentially dangerous distraction.)

The next logical step was legitimate study. Enter Jacob Rosenberg, a clinical professor at the University of Copenhagen, who has gotten scholarly on in-flight releases of bacterial fermentation byproduct with a new scientific paper, including ways to reduce their effects.

There is indeed moderate science going on here involving gas, volume and physics. Simply put, imagine your gut is composed to 100 people standing comfortably in a room which happens to only have one exit. A pressurized aircraft at altitude is like adding another 30 people to that room. They can leave if they want, and they really want to leave, but some jerk is trying to prop the exit closed for two to 15 agonizing hours.

To our surprise, airlines have already partly attended to the problem. Charcoal filters scrub the air clean of dubious smells and meals are designed to be low in fiber and high in carbs. Additionally one can reduce their personal gas by consuming bloat-reduction items like fish, rice, dairy, and fruit juice. Rosenberg suggests supplementary measures like charcoal woven seats and blankets and better educating passengers about the wonders of flatulence filtering underwear.

As for dealing with a neighbor who is crop dusting uncontrollably, well, there’s still not much you can do apart from the catharsis of shredding their anonymous character with friends at happy hour that evening.